Fierce & Fiesty

&

 

 

 

There really are no other words to describe my attitude last week.  It came, it saw and it tried like hell to break me. 

 

Let me start with Monday.  I had an appointment with my breast oncologist/surgeon.  I had in my head I was going to start a different plan of health with him (BTW, he's a new one for me as my original oncologist moved on) that would consist of adding MRI's every year and visits would now be every 6 months.  This, this is what I was prepared to talk about.  Talk about a blindside!  Where was Michael Oher when I needed him?  There was an introduction and then straight down to business.  He came at me with he was strongly suggesting I have a double mastectomy because my chances of reoccurrence are 40%.  He then goes on to describe how I am not a candidate for implants because of my prior breast cancer, the radiation I had and the damage it did to the tissue.  Next was what they would do to ensure there would at least be skin tissue there.  The would take it from my stomach and possibly my back if needed.  This would mean I would have to have some mesh put in my stomach to make sure that didn't collapse, it would be a 10-11 hour surgery.  I would be in the hospital for 5 days and absolutely no work for 1 to 2 months.  Now, I kind of checked out a bit when I was listening because again I was prepared for a completely different conversation but here is where I checked back in.  He says, I know you like Crossfit but I don't think that is going to be something you will be able to continue after this surgery.  Let me repeat, NO MORE CROSSFIT FOR ME.  This is also where I stopped him, held back all of the tears and finally managed to say WHY???  He said because of the 40% and ultimately he says I will get tired of having to go see him every 6 months and the scans and the anxiety that comes with them.  I managed a little chuckle and said well you've never met me before.  See I'm going to take those 60% chance odds and not go through the surgery until I HAVE to because I am not going to be 44 and give up the things I love for the rest of my life.  I've got every 6 months and 60% chance, for that I'll be a gambling girl.

 

Then comes Wednesday.  The insurance lady is in the office because it's open enrollment and for anyone who needs to make changes.  We all had to sit in a meeting so she could tell us what was changing and in my case starting July 1st.  There weren't any positives to this meeting.  I have already met my out of pocket from just April-May and now it starts all over July 1st.  For those of you who don't understand what this means, on Friday July 6th I have to have a colonoscopy and guess what? I have to pay for that out of pocket because my insurance started over.  But between that and the kidney ultrasound I will have met my out of pocket in July.  My co-pays go from $45 to $60 as well.  If you are keeping track that two strikes for this week so far.

 

Thursday.  Trey has his first appt. to determine his plan of health and we discuss what Cam needs to do in Indiana.  Trey is going to have to go to see a dermatologist, have a colonoscopy at 19 and start seeing an internalist  so they can start watching his thyroid.  Trey+Autism Spectrum+these doctors appointments=One very anxious kid.  Strike 3.

 

TGIF right?  Wrong.  Friday I call into my GP doc to discuss a new concern with my BP (remember I have the high blood pressure, well it's dropping down to 80's/40's at night).  I find out the woman who I have seen for the last 10 years, my healthy ride or die, the woman who listened to me and took everything to heart and is the one responsible for catching my battles before they became full blown wars was leaving but not only leaving Friday was her last day and I knew nothing about it.  They told me they tried sending me something to let me know but I never received it.  Yes, I cried no actually I sobbed like the biggest baby.  How am I going to find her replacement?  When I found her I had fired all my other doctors because they didn't listen, I went an interviewed her and immediately knew I had found the one.  So to Jean Toppin, who I never got to say good-bye to and THANK YOU for being the best doctor a girl could have, you are the best and I dare someone to come close to being the person you were.  I loved going in and we would talk working out, kids and life in general before we even got down to business.  She was like a friend you don't see that often.  Strike 4. 

Wait, you don't get 4 strikes but like I said at the beginning this week tried like hell to break me.  There are a lot of things going on and things I need to digest.  There's the colonoscopy this week and another dr appointment next week.  If I forget something or seem a little spaced out please know it's no reflection of you. 

peace, love and joy

"the little hot potato" aka dawn