Finally

When you can FINALLY tell your story without crying

you have healed.

 

 

I have many stories to tell and not all can be spoken without emotion but the one that has plagued me for the last 4 years has been the broken hearted story.  The story that starts with a failed marriage and ends with a failed relationship (sort of relationship).  i FINALLY made the decision to go see a therapist a year and a half ago and it was the best decision i made for myself.  See I had already gone through this physical transformation and lost over 100lbs but there was still something I needed to do to ensure I wouldn't end up back in that same situation that caused me to put on that weight.  After years of being knocked down over and over again, which I can now take responsibility for because I allowed it, I decided to heal that broken heart.  However, before therapy I went about it blindly.  I went about it from a lonely perspective instead of a healed perspective.  It was through therapy that I started to approach it from a different angle. 

 

During this healing process I decided to dip my toes in the water and just see where I was......so I turned to

SWIPING LEFT AND RIGHT.



 

And let me just tell you, it was an interesting 3 months and like a job! 

First you take applications.

Then you start the interview process IF they show up for the interview (for me this means if he didn't make the first attempt to reach out......delete, I'm the girl!)

If one of your first questions/statements has to do with sex, response: "In case you missed this, I'm a girl.  I don't need a dating ap to get laid.  Vaginas rule that part of the world.  Thank you for asking"

DELETE.

If you made it to the next stage of the interview , AKA here's my number you don't seem like a creeper phone interview, great, let's talk about your interests.

Oh, you don't really like the things you said you did.

DELETE

Ain't nobody got time for lies, especially before anything even gets started.

Now, if you made it to the part of the interview where you come in for a face to face, AKA dinner, drinks, coffee please for God's sake do not waste my time because I could have been doing something I really wanted like go hang with my gym fam.

So I see you don't look anything like your photos and you really aren't the height you said you were, I'm taller than you.

This is where delete doesn't work, this is where you use BLOCK.

 

Swiping was definitely the last stage of the healing process for me.  I know for some of you this may be hard to understand but it finally made me realize I was actually whole without a relationship.  I am that girl that goes and does things alone and enjoys her own company.  If a relationship doesn't add anything then I'm just doing an injustice to myself.  It wasn't until I was driving to Indiana for Thanksgiving that it really hit me, this is the first holiday since being married where I wasn't lonely or didn't feel emotional because of it.  I was happy and content and not anxious and for the first time in a long time I could take a deep breath and exhale.

 

See I realized my heart had finally healed.  And in healing it healed smarter; smart enough to know when to say no thank you.  It healed stronger; stronger enough to walk away from anything toxic.  And it healed back bigger.  Bigger now to love myself enough to not accept the love I don't deserve.

 

peace, love and happiness

dawn