Fwordz

1st snow I've ever had on my birthday!! For a Seed to achieve its GREATEST expression it MUST come COMPLETELY undone. The shell cracks, its insides come out and EVERYTHING changes. To someone who doesn't understand GROWTH it would look like complete DESTRUCTION I celebrated my 43rd birthday on Saturday and I did it alone.  Yes, you read that correctly, I drove up to Snowshoe Mountain because I heard it was going to snow and I also thought it would help heal something I am currently fighting.  You know I was never one to look at anyone who was alone and think, "oh poor thing", unless they were of the older generation because I immediately thought of the worst case scenario.  When I went to eat the hostesses asked me will anyone be joining you?  My response, no, their response, seriously ? my response still no .  I guess where they are to see someone go to a resort area alone is pretty uncommon but for me I didn't care, I wanted to go, I wanted to heal,...

Fwordz: Featured: Body Type : My crossfit coach just shared a video ( https://youtu.be/CDXxURPagpM ) from Crossfit and it couldn't have come at a better time.  Just ...

My crossfit coach just shared a video ( https://youtu.be/CDXxURPagpM ) from Crossfit and it couldn't have come at a better time.  Just this last week I was in the Y and when I left I couldn't help but think about when I was younger I had a nickname that my dad called me, Moose .   Imagine for a minute being a young adolescent girl of 12 and younger being called Moose by your dad.  He would call me this and I internalized it and it hurt my feelings because at the age I was all I could think was my dad is calling me fat.  Now let me explain to you I wasn't fat at all but I had that athletic build, quads, calves, glutes, built like an athlete and of course at my age to me I was fat because I was "bigger" than the rest of the girls my age when in reality I was just a developed child with curves to boot!   Moose finally confronted dad about him calling me this name, this name that I carried around shamefully because I thought I wasn't good enough for my dad...

Fwordz: Fear of abandonment, Take 1 : "SHE MADE BROKEN LOOK BEAUTIFUL AND STRONG LOOK INVINCIBLE.  SHE WALKED WITH THE UNIVERSE ON HER SHOULDERS AND MADE IT LOOK LIKE A...

"SHE MADE BROKEN LOOK BEAUTIFUL AND STRONG LOOK INVINCIBLE.  SHE WALKED WITH THE UNIVERSE ON HER SHOULDERS AND MADE IT LOOK LIKE A PAIR OF WINGS" Worked that row machine. After a few therapy sessions I have a word to work through, abandonment. Abandonment, little did I know this word would be the source of all of my issues, my demons, my darkest concerns that spawned bi-products.  What I have learned so far is this has only affected my intimate relationships not my relationships with friends.  I have also learned the beginning of my abandonment issues started when I was 12 when my Dad died unexpectedly.  So this is what they refer to as unintentional abandonment because he didn't leave on his own, he didn't leave me because he wanted to, he didn't have a choice.  He wasn't sick so it wasn't something we were planning on happening either.  He was however in NY taking care of his mother who had cancer and was dying, he had been gone for ...

Fwordz: Featured word: Transformation : "For a seed to achieve its greatest expression, it must come completely undone.  The shell cracks, its insides come out and everything...

"For a seed to achieve its greatest expression, it must come completely undone.  The shell cracks, its insides come out and everything changes.  To someone who doesn't understand growth, it would look like complete destruction." You all have seen my transformation, my physical transformation and watched me live it for quite awhile now.  If you've ever been in that position you know how mentally draining it can be to be patient enough to achieve your goal and I'm still not where I want to be.  I'm content with myself in my physical journey.  Yet there are other transformations. As I sat on top of this mountain I was reminded how small I am in this large thing we call life.  I watched hawks soar, planes leave tracks in the air and people coming and going hoping I would leave my perfectly placed spot.  I like the Pinnacle at Crowders Mountain because on one side I can sit and see the big bad towns of what I can only guess are Kings Mounta...

Fwordz: Featured word: 2015 : Today is the first blank page of a 365 page book, make it a great read! I made this jar this year to sit back and read on New Years...

Today is the first blank page of a 365 page book, make it a great read! I made this jar this year to sit back and read on New Years Eve to remind me of all the good things that happened this year, big and small from someone making me laugh when all I wanted to do was cry to attending the wild card playoffs.   This was probably one of the best things I could do for myself.  When we are going through the dredges of life with lots of peaks and valleys we either focus on those valleys or those peaks and forget about those day to day things that also leave us feeling elated.  Ask anyone what happened to them this year and they are going to play the highlight reel for you and for them it may be some big valleys with a few peaks.  They may forget that person who paid for their coffee one day in a drive thru or that person who went out of their way to tell you how beautiful your smile was and it made their day.  I don't think this is uncommon because we can...